Right then, we hope you all had a lovely couple of days eating too much stuff you shouldn’t and drinking alcohol as soon as you wake just because it’s Christmas. I always think there is nothing that says happy birthday Jesus more than a couple glasses of 8am bucks fizz followed by an afternoon of slowly drowning in Bailey’s.

I hope those of you who didn’t receive either a selfie stick or got engaged this Christmas still enjoyed your gifts from old Saint Nick. After all that’s what this festive holiday is all about right. I’m totally kidding of course. All the pictures we’ve seen of everyone spending time with their families and friends has made us miss home a little bit the last few days. But then seeing the current weather reports for the UK quickly eradicates any feeling of homesickness.

Our Christmas of course was hot. Very hot actually. So hot that I managed to pick up a full body sunburn. It was a weird day weather wise. It was sunny and hot as I said, but there was loud, gunshot thunder going on all day. At first we thought it was some pesky kids letting of fireworks round the corner, but it just kept on going. These kids would have to be millionaires to afford that many fireworks. Thunder without the rain or even clouds is quite cool though. Especially on Christmas Day.

One of the big things we wanted to do was visit the beach on Christmas Day. The beach in Kuta is pretty average so we weren’t bothered about spending all day there. We just headed down for the sunset and to say, at least for a little while, we’d been on a warm beach for Christmas. Now you may remember at various places on our trip we have been stopped by someone to take our photo. Maybe it’s the blondeness of Soph. Perhaps it’s my paleness that excites them so much. Perhaps it’s my muscles. We just don’t know. But one things for certain, people like to have us in their photos. So when a group of local teens came over and asked to take a photo with us we thought why not. A little confused at first but we went with it.

Minutes later I spotted another group of lads eyeing us up. And sure enough they came over and took a photo with us. A huge group followed them. All wanting to get a shot of us with their mates on their phone. Boys and girls. Surely this was some sort of school project. Get a photo with two pale white Europeans or get a shot on the beach of someone really really good looking. Something like that.

Then things changed. I spotted an older couple walk past us about 10 minutes before. The older man smiled but nothing was too weird. We were still over come with all these kids wanting our picture. But when he returned asking for us to pose with his wife in a picture we knew something was up. The guy must have been retaking the 11th grade for the 25th time if this was still a school project. And then it clicked. Once he’d taken the photo he came straight up to me and shook my hand like he’d grown up with a picture of me on his bedroom wall. Like I was his idol. I felt so sorry that I couldn’t understand what on earth he was blabbering on about, but I knew he was super happy to have met me. But…who did he think me was?

All these people we not interested in the paleness or blondeness or muscularness of us. They were interested in me. They were interested in whoever they thought I was. This instantly made us feel super embarrassed. I mean what if the real George Clooney or the real Brad Pitt came walking down the beach. Things could have got ugly. So we started to walk away. Not before being stopped again by two lads in their late teens who couldn’t wait to get a shot with us. Super weird, but I can’t blame them for wanting a picture. Bless ’em.

We had our Christmas dinner at the German restaurant we’ve been going to all week. They had their usual menu on as well as a special Christmas one so we could feel more at home. Soph went for the pork medallions. Not so festive but still nice. I went for the stuffed Rudolf with plum and cinnamon sauce. Sorry deer, stuffed deer. I always get then mixed up. It was pretty nice and we felt like we’d at least got to experience some home comforts. When we got back to our hotel we tried contacting some family members over the little internet we had. But it seemed everyone was doing the same thing so we didn’t really get to talk for long, if at all.

Since the big day we have continued chilling by the pool. That was pretty much all we did yesterday. Not exactly the traveller lifestyle perhaps but it’s Christmas and that’s what we fancied doing. Doubt we will get to lounge in the Sun on boxing day ever again so let’s make the most of it.

Today we have moved out and just a couple of miles up the road to a town called Seminyak. We’ve heard lots of people say that it’s a nicer, calmer and altogether cleaner version of Kuta. Our taxi took us straight to the door of our new hostel. Through the main road of shops and a restaurants. It looked very similar to Kuta, just without the awfully busy one way system. When we got to our hostel we climbed the stairs following the signs to reception. When we got there we were greeted by a couple from the movie The Hills Have Eyes. If you haven’t seen this film they basically looked like zombie inbreds who’s only means of communication is through a sequence of grunts and moans. The woman behind the desk looked like….uhm…well, dead. She literally looked dead. She must be a zombie. She is about 180 years old minimum and we reckon she must have been fed metal bolts as a child because she has only a single tooth the size of a large chisel poking directly at who ever she’s looking at. Wouldn’t surprise me if this tooth controlled her every move. Whispering to her. ‘Eat them’.

Ok so that’s that. When we got to our room we discovered the worst room in the history of rooms. It’s similar to being on that night train with the windows open. We feel like we’ve interrupted the shooting of the new Bugs Life sequel on the day the whole cast have brought their families along. It’s disgusting. The shower is cold too so we can’t even enjoy that. We have 4 nights booked too. Not going to happen. Before visiting the land of the undead and telling the zombie upstairs that we won’t be staying, we decided to head down the beach to at least see what the fuss is about.

Seminyak beach is disgusting! We got there and discovered the worst beach we had ever seen. Covered in rubbish. We stepped over nails, broken glass and what seemed like a forest load of dead wood to reach the sea. Where the first wave brought in 4 crisp packets, some more broken glass and a tree. Then things got a lot worse. We walked along the beach for just another 30 seconds before it officially topped the ‘worst beach ever’ awards. I had to cover Soph’s eyes and walk her straight off the beach as she cried in my arms. Because there, in the middle of the beach, surrounded by kids building sand castles, was a dead dog!

Luckily I spotted it before Soph had a chance to. I made sure she didn’t actually see it but just the knowledge that it was  there was enough to cause her to brake down. Could have set me off to be honest. Nobody gave a hoot either. Think that was  the worst thing. People we letting there kids play in the sand around it. Like it wasn’t even there. Shocking!

We immediately walked back to the hotel, told Frankenstein that we wouldn’t be staying after tonight and booked somewhere else.

Ok ok. So what we don’t want to do is scare anyone away from Bali. We are more than likely just staying in the bad places, or simply turning up on days when things are not at there best. But for two backpackers with a tiny budget, so far Bali is not ticking the boxes. Perhaps it’s because we have been spoilt by the amazing beaches in Thailand only a matter of weeks ago. We don’t know. But tomorrow we are pretty sure things are about to get better. We head to a town called Nusa Dua and Geger Beach. From what we’ve seen an  heard about this area of Bali, were in for a treat.

So of course we shall let you know how that goes. But for now, we have a bushtukka trial to get on with. Sleep well, don’t let the bed bugs bite. Ours will…..

Thanks for following x