Happy Saturday everyone. I come to you today from an outdoor eating area where we usually have breakfast. Today however Sam and I are sitting in the dark watching Spurs on the TV while eating a tub of ice cream each and sipping on a cold can of Chang. Oh and it’s still bloody hot. It’s a tough life.

Yesterday was possibly the hottest day on record, anywhere, ever. It was so hot we were all considering curling up in a fully heated oven just to cool down. It was the type of heat you can’t do anything in. The type of heat FIFA feel suitable to host a World Cup in. Simply put…ridiculous.

While Soph enjoys laying still while soaking up UV light, Hartfield and I have taken to walking the 45 minute journey up and down the beach to top up our tans. From the look of Soph’s skin I think it’s pretty clear who’s method is working best, but Sam and I are very content with ours.

Before leaving our apartment for the beach we always make sure we are fully covered in Sun cream. Then the second we get down the beach we jump in the sea which washes it all off. It’s a bit silly really, but at least psychologically we have tried to protect ourselves. Jokes jokes jokes. Of course we reapply. I do Harfields back. I do Soph’s back. Nobody does my back….

Well that was the case before our beach walk yesterday. It wasn’t until a couple of hours later I realised my back had been naked all day.

I hate sunburn. I mean I would be pretty surprised if someone liked being burnt but I especially hate it. Even the slightest bit of pink will send me fretting. Yesterday was no exception. As  soon as I realised I went into panic mode. I scouted out the only shady part of the beach and went and sat on my own on a rock. Until a crab went for my foot. Little S**t!

Thankfully last night wasn’t too bad. Needed a top up of aloe vera during the night but it wasn’t too bad. The worst moment of the night was when Hartfield came in to use the toilet to see me fast asleep with my naked arse in the air. Worse for Hartfield that is. Jealousy can be a harsh thing.

Today we headed down the beach for a couple of hours  before catching a bus to Phuket Town. We had been told there was a huge night market there which we just couldn’t miss. The bus journey was only about half hour, but was so busy we had to effectively sit on the floor the whole way. We were all relieved when we finally reached our destination.

A tuk tuk driver was of course on hand the second we got off the bus to point us in the direction of the weekend market. We needed something to eat first but after searching around for ages we simply couldn’t find anything remotely like a restaurant. Thankfully we bumped into an English couple who were as equally lost. They walked with us to the main part of town and showed us to a restaurant before parting ways.

After dinner we walked around again pretending we knew the place like the back of our hands. We were just about to get some cash out when a taxi pulled up behind us and told us to get in. It was the same English couple from before, on their way to the weekend market. They loved to chat but they paid for the taxi journey. So thank you random English couple. Thank you!

The weekend market in Phuket Town is big. Perhaps not as big as the outdoor extravaganza in Chiang Mai, but it’s still pretty huge. If you haven’t been to a night market in Thailand then this one is great. If you have, then you would have seen everything on sale already. The classic Singha logo vest. The inevitable fake Beats headphones. The standard wooden frog. It’s all there. But it’s all everywhere.

We spent about an hour wondering around the place before we jumped in a 500b taxi back to Kata Beach. You can never get used to the roads out here. Nobody has a right of way. It’s just whoever wants it more, wins. Yet nobody seems to ever crash. Which is a good thing as nobody seems to wear a seat belt either. Except us of course.

Apart from yesterday, the King’s birthday, where alcohol is rarely sold, we have been going to this little bar selling all cocktails at 50% off. We headed straight there, ordered our favourites and sat down to drink. Only then did we notice all the 50% off signs had been changed to 20%. Done again! Just when you think you can relax. BAM! They’ve screwed you again.

It didn’t stop us enjoying them but we still felt we were missing something. Hence why I come to you with my can of Chang and tub of ice cream. A lovely finish to another superb couple of days.

Tomorrow…who knows? But I can guarantee it won’t be snowing…

Thanks for following x

Before we crack on with the events of today we would love to say a big thank you to everyone who liked, shared, commented, retweeted, read out loud to their office colleagues or however else you let us know you were reading. We had no idea so many people were engaged in our daily adventures and it’s really great to see. For all those tech savvy enough to have Instagram, you can see us on there too.

Right. So today. Things are looking good. Sam is still alive. Soph hasn’t turned into a jelly fish over night. I’m still looking outrageously handsome. All is well. Nobody was sick last night and there were no amphibian intruders either so we all got a relatively good sleep. Not perfect, but good.

We wanted to mix today up a little bit by heading to a new town. You can’t spend everyday on the beach…no..no actually can. Very easily. But anyway we wanted to explore. So after breakfast we asked the guys running our guesthouse where the best place in Phuket to do a little shopping may be. Hartfield is only here for a few more days and needs to grab some bargains.

We were advised to head over to the near by hot spot of Patong. So we found a taxi/tuk tuk driver that wasn’t a conniving little cretin and set off for our 20 minute journey up the west coast of Phuket. The tuk tuks down here are nothing like the baskets attached to mopeds that they call tuk tuks further north. Here they are like modified mini vans with massive sound systems and flashing LED lights. Like they are all owned by the kids that hang out in car parks on a Tuesday night pretending their 1 litre, S reg Corsa is really cool. But I suppose these tuk tuks are pretty cool. They’re different anyway.

Arriving outside the Patong shopping centre we quickly realised we weren’t going to be picking up many bargains. Unlike the 7 story knock off paradise mall we visited in Bangkok, this place was full of designer stores with goods more expensive than in the UK. You could maybe have saved a couple of quid off a pair of Levi’s, but nothing you couldn’t get cheaper in an outlet somewhere. Poor. We got out of there pretty sharpish.

Today was ridiculously hot. Possibly too hot. It was a heat we hadn’t felt since our first days in Bangkok. When the air is thick with a muggy, dirty heat that you can barely stand up in. It is very busy in Patong. Not just with the thousands of holiday goers but with tons of street food stalls all chucking their waste in to the street. We decided to get out the heat and chill with a drink and maybe some food for a while. We found one spot that looked great. Great food, great drinks, great staff. It was a little out of our price range but I thought it would have been a great place to spend the rest of the day. Can’t remember the name of the place now…..

…really friendly staff though.

We found a place on the beach with a good deal on that we could all afford. So we sat down in this Mexican restaurant, ordered our meal deal, saw it away and asked for the bill in that waving an imaginary pen in the air way that is universal all over the world. Recently we had done really well in avoiding any scheming locals trying to get their hands in our wallets. But when the bill arrived we realised we had been had again. The hidden 7% VAT charge that was written on the menu in size 0.01 font. Bloody furious. We could have eaten at that other place for that. Whatever it was called…

We walked along the beach towards the main strip of bars and market stalls. The beach is much longer and way more touristy than in Kata. It is full of locals advertising excursions around Patong and market stalls trying to drag you in by shouting the words ‘Yes’ and ‘Welcome’ in your face as you walk past. I mean it is impossible to go anywhere and not have the word ‘Massage’ bellowed in your ear by ten woman at a time, but here it is crazy. Soph was missing the icing sugar sand of our beach until she spotted another baby animal. Yesterday was the frog, today was a little dog. A tiny puppy that she couldn’t help but scream at. Pretty sure it’s owners were worried she was about to run off with it. She loved Patong after that.

The bay is busy with cruise liners delivering excited holiday goers to their bit of Thai paradise. Little do they know there is a cleaner, quieter and altogether nicer destination just 20 minutes down the road. For the normal holiday goer Patong has it all. A huge sandy beach, tons of restaurants and bars, hundreds of shops. But for a couple of backpackers traveling the world, it is very much like any other European hot spot. Like a Magaluf or a Malia perhaps. For a couple already over spending their budget, Patong is a place to visit rather than somewhere to call base.

We headed back to Kata to spend the last remaining hours of sunshine on the beach. We stayed to watch the Sun drop below the horizon before heading out for dinner. We decided to continue our pattern of mixing things up by adventuring a little further up the strip to find a restaurant. But our journey was interrupted by yet another baby animal none of us could ignore.

This baby elephant was hugging this little girl in a way it had clearly been trained to since the moment it was born. It seemed rather unhappy. The elephants in Chiang Mai seemed much more comfortable. Living in the jungle, eating tons of bananas with numerous generations of their family. Sure they had to put up with humans paying to sit on their heads but you can’t have it all. We felt sorry for this baby elephant. But not enough to knock out its owner and ride it back to the jungle.

Dinner was pretty poor to be honest. It was alright but not great. It did have a surprise 20% off all food discount though, which obviously made up for the hidden VAT charge from our lunch bill. So that was nice. A couple of cocktails for Soph and I, as well as a coke for the still poorly Sam, and we are back at our apartment. It’s been another good day to day and hopefully tomorrow will be too.

Thanks for following x

Good day all. Thanks again for tuning in to our little blog diary thingy. We really do appreciate you taking an interest in our daily adventures. It seems we hear of a new person that is reading our stories each day. So if you are reading this please let us know by liking it on Facebook, retweeting it on Twitter, comment if you go directly to the website. However  you are accessing this, let us know who you are.

Anyway so there was no blog yesterday as you know. It also happened to be the day after Soph’s birthday celebrations that involved a higher than average quantity of alcohol. Coincidence, I think not.

So I will sum up yesterday before we get on with today by saying we had breakfast, we laid on the beach, swam in the sea, bought a couple of fruit shakes (actually an extra one due to dropping one immediately after paying for it), had lunch, picked up our clean washing from the laundry place, laid on the beach, swam in the sea, had dinner, drank cocktails, went to bed. Just your normal December day really.

Soph is a huge fan of picking up our clean washing. Fresh,  perfectly ironed clothes seem to put a massive smile on her face. Wash day for me signals the day I need to buy an all new wardrobe. Well the clothes that go in it anyway. Wouldn’t  want to lug a huge wardrobe around the world with us. You see the laundrettes out here have a habit of shrinking all my t-shirts. With my huge biceps I’m constantly ripping through my t-shirts anyway, so making them any smaller make them impossible to wear. Thankfully I can pick up a designer t-shirt for about £2 out here. And they are 100% the real deal…apparently.

So that was yesterday. Today started a lot earlier than usual. About half 5 to be exact. There was a coughing coming from the living/kitchen/Hartfield’s bedroom area. A coughing that sounded more and more vicious as we started to break out of our deep sleep. A coughing that sounded very much like someone throwing up their chicken dinner, bottle of Chang and three cocktails into the sink.

Soph and I waited until it seemed like all had calmed down before opening our bedroom door to see what all the noise was. And lo and behold there was Sam stabbing large chunks of chicken down the plug hole with a plastic spoon. “Food poisoning” he said, with chunks of chicken hanging from his chin. Poor Sam. He has been poorly all day. He couldn’t even handle his scrambled eggs at breakfast this morning.

But he is on holiday and in search (need) of a good tan for his work Christmas party. So being the good friends we are, we made sure he got up and down the beach for some relaxation. Thankfully some paracetamol, cold water and a strawberry fruit shake have helped bring him back to top form. Now all he needs is a chicken and reheated rice dinner accompanied by a large Chang. That will sort him out.

Down the beach we topped up on Sun cream, chilled in the Sun for a while before cooling off in the sea. It wasn’t long before Soph was complaining of another bite on her leg. She has literally been eaten alive out here so it was nothing new to hear her swearing about the bloody mosquitoes. But we were in the sea this time and unless they have managed to invent tiny scuba dive equipment for mosquitoes, it surely had to be something else.

The pain become unbearable so we all got out to take a look at what was causing it. Poor Soph’s inside leg had bubbled up like she’d just pressed an iron on to it. We quickly got down the pharmacy for some cream that seems to have eradicated the swelling. Turns out, thanks to Google, it was some sort of tiny jelly fish that had stung her in the sea. Apparently the symptoms of a jelly fish sting are lots of sweating and redness of the skin. Then again they are also the symptoms of sunbathing on a Thailand beach in December. But from pictures online, it really does look like she could have been stung.

With Soph’s injuries and Sam feeling a little delicate still we headed back to our apartment. Our apartment really is great. It’s so much more upmarket than the hostels we’ve been used to. I mean it has hot water for starters. It also has in influx of geckos on the walls. Oh and during last night’s excitement Sam managed to get his head out the sink just long enough to catch a frog under a glass. Something Soph was really happy about as it seemed to be only a baby frog. And if you know Soph you know she love baby anythings. I can see her cousins excitedly looking at each other with that comment.

We headed out to our usual eatery for dinner as we were all feeling a little jaded and weren’t up for too much exploration around town. Too much Sun and not enough water can mess with your body very quickly. And today we were all feeling the effects. After we slowly walked back to the apartment, past the fruit stalls and roti stands for an early night and some well earned rest. Sleeping in the Sun all day can be hard work.

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Thanks for following x

Happy birthday Sophie. 26 years old. Bloody hell that’s old. Suppose she looks alright for it though.

Today we woke up around 9am wondering whether or not we’d missed the breakfast we had already paid for. Turns out breakfast is available whenever we get up. We are literally in the best guesthouse ever. Hartfield is one of those people that wakes up earlier than the Sun itself, everyday of the week. Soph and I are of course the type of people that would never see the morning if we could help it, but we are doing everything we can to accommodate our new guest by getting up asap.

Today’s breakfast was toast with scrambled egg mixed with slices of cut up bacon. Mixed with a bit of strawberry jam, it turns out this is a dream combination. We saw that away pretty quickly before heading down to the beach.

I mentioned yesterday how good the beach is here. Today it was ridiculous. Today we were sunbathing in a heat similar to when you open the oven door with your face directly in front of it. You know? When you forget how stupidly hot it is going to be. Your eyes instantly dry out and your skin shrivels before you have a chance to blink. That sort of heat. Even the sea was like jumping in a spa. All we needed were the bubbles of human fat and it would have felt exactly like the Nizels jacuzzi pool.

After a few dips in the sea and approximately 90 seconds of sunbathing, I’d had enough of the Sun. Sam decided we needed a ball. Good decision Sam. We topped our backs up with lotion and headed out for our trek to the shops. Hartfield was adamant that a shop selling a suitable ball was just moments away. But those moments dragged out longer than an Eastenders whodunit. A mirage of beach footballs started to appear on the horizon, teasing us to push on a little longer. But then, just as the extreme heat was frying us to a good medium-well, they appeared.

Footballs, volleyballs, basketballs, the lot were here. Quick grab one. “How much are these?” We shout with sheer excitement. She smiles, turns for her calculator and plucks for the first price that comes to her head….

“650 baht”….

650 baht! That’s like 13 quid. We could streak on to the pitch at a Premier League game, grab the ball, sell it to a football memorabilia nut and STILL not get 13 quid for it. Don’t know why we would have to streak of course, just seemed more legitimate. Maybe if we got Soph to do it….

Anyway we had no way let alone time to streak anywhere at this stage. We needed a ball. After refusing numerous times the price miraculously dropped to 350, but this was still too much for what it was. We moved on but only for another 100 yards before spotting it again. The same collection of balls hanging from a street vendors store front. “How much?” This time a little more apprehensively. “400”. Ok that’s a better start at least. We look at the ball, said nothing and waited. Create an awkward silence and let them fill it with a lower price. It’s always good to barter. But if they respond immediately with a yes to your first price drop, you know you should have gone lower. But I’m a pro now.

The silence was filled with the vendor saying “300”…
Me: “250?”…
Vendor: “Sold”…

Damn it!

We heading back to Soph who had now been on her own for over an hour, with our outrageously expensive ball and a pineapple shake to say sorry for being so long. It was all Sam’s fault to be fair. We swam in the sea for a while before two little local kids came over with a cricket bat made from a palm tree and an eagerness to use our ball. Only about 10 years old I was pretty sure I could have ’em if they tried to steal it, so we let them join in.

He asked Sam to throw him the ball and he would try to hit it. Then he let me have a go. Not one to show off in front of others I decided to gently tap the ball back to him. Unfortunately though my hidden strength within my huge arms came through to strike the ball so hard the bat broke in half. Bloody hell!

Luckily they both took it well and we moved on pretty swiftly before one of their dads appeared to break me in half. They wanted a footy match. A 2 on 2 battle to the end. It resulted in an easy win for team England but the Thais wanted something more. A mix up of the teams. And so the game commenced with a new, fairer match up. Obviously my team was smashing it but with the Sun going down we all decided on a ‘next goal wins’ end to the game. My lad was looking good on the ball but the sand hindered his step overs  causing his Thai friend to nip in, steal the ball and score the winner. I was furious. But I did snap his bat in half so I let it go. We all know who was the better team.

The three of us, all suffering from a little too much Sun, headed back to get changed and showered before heading back out to do some birthday shopping and grab some dinner. The market was pretty poor and stank like it was sitting on top of a cesspit. Which it probably was. So with Soph happy to move on we headed to a bar we had lunch in earlier. We stuffed our faces with food and a 3 litre ice jug of Chang before moving to another bar for some cheekier cocktails and a game of Jenga. A game I could have easily won but didn’t want Soph to lose on her birthday. So I took one for the team. Like a true gent.

We headed back home via a 7/11 for some more Changs (seemed like a good idea) and got ready for bed. It had been a good day and even though we didn’t do too much, hopefully Soph really enjoyed her birthday in the Sun.

Thanks for following x