It’s a new day and a new blog from yet another new country. We have fled the land of the kangaroos and overweight fast food eating bags of sweat they call Australians and now find ourselves pretty much as far away from home as the planet allows. We are in New Zealand. The land of Bilbo Baggins and his tight fitting ring. The land of adrenaline and thrill seeking mentalists. A rather lovely part of the world. Yet we still have a couple of days left in Australia to tell. So this blog shall finish that off before cracking on with our Kiwi tales next time.

Our last night in Australia was spent in a hostel called Woodducks in Brisbane, where we had 3 of the beds in one of their 8 bed dorms. It seemed however that actually having a bed in this place meant pretty much nothing when it comes to sleep. The beds squeaked more than an over friendly mouse and the staff at this place partied harder than any of their guests did. When we arrived back to the hostel on our first night we were informed of a $2 BBQ being put on by the staff that very evening. Some good meat and perhaps some of those green leaf things the girls call salad sounded right up our street, so we put our names down and headed in.

Seconds later we came face to face with Events Manager Tom, who was in charge of the BBQ, looking for his events colleague Phil to go shopping with for all the food. We helped him search for Phil even though we had no idea what he looked like or any physical evidence that he even existed. After some pretty intense searching we all came to the conclusion he had vanished into thin air and so went with Tom to the supermarket ourselves as his new events staff.

Tom had been in Australia for over a year but had the tan of a new born baby. He walked us around the supermarket seemingly having no idea what a BBQ even was let alone what he needed for it to be a success. We helped where we could and left the store pretty sharpish. With only a small budget Tom thought it was a good idea to place the ketchup in his bag without scanning it first. We didn’t fancy being locked up for the night so decided to stay as far away from his antics as possible. Although a night in a cell would have probably been more comfortable than his hostel.

Back at the hostel we found Phil. We were all about to introduce ourselves when he came stumbling towards us, seconds away from throwing up all over us after an all day session on the beers. Not sure he would have been much use down the supermarket somehow.

Inside the hostel we were thanked by Tom as he went off to get set up for dinner. We put all our stuff down in our room and began getting changed ourselves when we we saw a girl in the corner doing exactly the same thing. She had been living in the hostel few some time now and knew everyone. I can’t for the life of me remember her name, so instead she shall just be remembered as Braless Jane. I don’t know what it is about girls that have been travelling for a while. They just seem to prefer going without a bra while wearing the loosest fitting tops they own, at all times. Not that I have a problem with it. Be free Jane. Feel that breeze.

It wasn’t long before Tom popped up from outside our window to ask if anyone could help him out with the cooking. The two girls quickly declined while Braless Jane would have been risking perhaps any chance she had of ever feeding her future children by getting too involved. So instead I offered my services and joined Tom outside by the BBQ.

The food was going well. Obviously. I had been joined by another long term resident who seemed to take a BBQ more seriously than a B&Q employee. He was flipping the sausages so many times they never had a chance to get warm let alone cook. I did offer a little advice but I’m not sure he understood what I was trying to say. In the end he’d stabbed them so many times we ended up with pork pattys rather than actual sausages.

Soph had appeared and was quickly given a job. She was in charge of ticking off names and giving out a single slice of bread each. In fact the meal per person consisted of two slices of plastic cheese, one sausage, one burger, a dash of ketchup and as I said, a single slice of stale bread. That is until we ran out of burgers, when you got two sausages. Fair to say Tom was not the best when it came to organising a BBQ. Especially as he didn’t even cook it anyway.

The following day was to be our very last in Australia. The girls had there sights set on bikini shopping while I had some serious blogging to catch up on. So I set off in search of a rumour. I had heard somewhere that Brisbane was home to a man made beach located on the city’s Southbank. I walked through a festival and took a look at all the little market stalls put up for the event. Then I found it. Not just a beach, there was a huge public pool free to anyone who fancied a dip. I looked for a spot and made it my home for the next few hours. The sun was beaming down on me as I layed down with one arm and leg in the water. To be honest not a lot of blogging actually got done in those few hours, although a lot of serious tanning was. That was until a huge cloud began to make it’s way over the city. It was at this point I remembered  I had come with two others and started wonder where on Earth the girls had got to. Surely nobody can spend over two hours in one shop.

I was wrong. They can. Bringing with them the huge clouds, the girls came wandering around the corner with their new purchases. They do have a tendency to appear at the same time as the clouds. Thankfully they did open up just enough to offer a little sunshine and an opportunity for them to try out their new gear.

That evening we would need an early night. We would be leaving for the airport at 5:30am via a pre ordered shuttle bus. So we headed for dinner before going back and packing our bags. The girls like to empty their entire bags every time they pack even if they used a single top from it. I am obviously not like that. I was packed and ready in less than 5 minutes so went and sat in the tv area with a large group of Germans and the once again intoxicated Phil. It was a Saturday night 10 hours ahead of the UK. So I decided not to go to sleep that night and instead stay up watching live football from Europe. It was to be an eventful night.

We still had a little goon left so I went and filled my cup and took my seat ready for the Germans to watch their game before Arsenal came on for me. It wasn’t long before Tom had come back from his night with two of the oldest woman I’ve ever seen inside a hostel. Now I would like to make it clear that for the entire evening I was sat in my seat watching the tv and not involved in any of the coming antics. First off, when one of the woman came in a thought I recognised her. Turned out I didn’t know her, she just struck a strong resemblance to one of the elephants we rode back in Chaing Mai. After about an hour of flirting with two 18 year old Germans, she dragged them outside to her car for what I can only presume to be a friendly chat. But after an hour or so they still hadn’t returned. Her old blonde friend went with Tom to see where they had got to and left us all in peace to once again focus on the tv. Seconds later however Tom was running in to say they had walked in on something nobody should have to see, causing the blonde pensioner to get upset, jump in the driver’s seat and wheelspin away with Nelly and the two Germans trapped in the back.

This in turn caused Phil to get out of his seat, walk towards the front door, black out and fall face first to the floor, smashing his head on the door as he went. All of which was enough to make him urinate in his pants as he layed unconscious in the hall way. Thankfully his colleague Tom was on hand to drag his lifeless body into bed. Meanwhile Arsenal won a tough match. So all was good.

5:30am had almost arrived so we all grabbed our bags and headed out side to meet the bus. The girls were concerned with why I had such a shocked look on my face and why they were having to tred so carefully by the front door when we left the hostel.

We waited for our shuttle bus to arrive with a Canadian girl who was catching the same flight as Courtney. Soph and I were catching a plane half hour later with Qantas. We started  getting a little panicky when 5:30 came and went with no sign of the driver. The Canadian girl was literally pulling her hair out. She marched inside to use the hostel phone and find out where our driver was. It wasn’t long until a taxi arrived. We chucked our bags in the back and began to get in. But when confronted with why he was late it started to become clear that the driver had no idea what was going on. He said he was hear to pick up an Ells party but that we hadn’t paid yet. We had paid. The Canadian was now having a full on mental break down, rocking back and forth on the side of the road. There was some pretty stern words said before a Japanese couple appeared and said this was their taxi. The driver no longer cared who was getting in his cab just as long as he got paid. WHAT WAS GOING ON!

It turned out it wasn’t our taxi and the driver had just seen my name on the paper Courtney was holding. Thankfully it wasn’t much longer until our bus did arrive. Otherwise on top of everything we could have had the mess of an exploded Canadian to deal with. The driver was about 110 years old and in a rush. We were all about to go crazy at the old man for his lateness when he opened his mouth to say…

“Your driver has had a heart attack”.

My first thoughts were; ‘Well you look pretty good for it mate’, when it became clear that he was in fact a different driver who’d been woken up by his boss to become the now emergency driver. To be fair he drove like Michael Schumacher to the airport and got us there in one piece and on time. We ran in and left the driver and the Canadian at the bus before we became involved in two heart attacks in one day.

So that was that. Australia done and the next part of our adventure on the horizon. I would like to take this as an opportunity to thank everyone again for taking the time out of your busy day to read up on how we are doing. It’s really appreciated immensely. So once again…

…Thanks for following x